Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
