my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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