Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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