Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
