My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
