Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
