you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
