So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
