"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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