Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
