I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
