You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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