I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
