Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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