Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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