I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
