just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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