i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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