he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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