I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
