3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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