Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
