I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
