Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
