Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
