Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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