I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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