i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
