My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
