I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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