its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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