I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I supernannyed him into submission
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
