after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
