It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
