If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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