We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
