Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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