idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
