I think my fart just growled at me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
