I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
