She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
