no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
