i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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