I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize