ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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