At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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