so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
