well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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