Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
