but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
