Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
