If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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