He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just found out that she named her cat after me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
