I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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